Sometimes you have to breakup.
Today is the first day I did not have a cigarette with my coffee when I got up to start my day. Usually I pour myself a cup of coffee and light up that first cigarette and my day begins. Everyday.
This morning I didn’t even have any coffee because I know that my cravings will be worse if I do.
Yeah, I quit smoking yesterday. Why? Why would I do that? I love my ciggys and I am going to miss them terribly. Last night, I even wrote them a poem after I gathered up all of my ashtrays and other smoking related paraphernalia and put it in a box to be stored in the garage.
I swear, in some ways this feels exactly like a breakup. You know, the kind that you know is going to make you feel better in the long run, but taking that stand and breaking up with them is the hardest thing. THE Hardest Thing. The first day after the split, all you do is wonder if you did the right thing. Then you think about them all day long, half obsessing and or ruminating on what happened.
Yeah….that is exactly what this feels like. A break up…and I guess it is, not literally, but metaphorically. Symbolically.
But it had to be done. It was time. Time for me to get over my shit and deal with it. You know, I never liked smoking and didn’t actually start until I was 25. How’s that for crazy? Yeah…I only started to smoke because when I was married to my ex, all of our friends smoked and so we were around it all the time. I’ll tell that story another time I suppose.
My Reasons for Quitting
The Freaking SMELL! I am sick of smelling bad!! I know I do. No one says it, but it’s true. Smokers smell. And everything I own smells like cigarettes and there ain’t no amount of body spray, perfume and air freshener that can get rid of that smell unless I quit and wash everything (which I will be doing later today if I don’t completely lose my mind.)
The Stupid Cough! I wake up with a cough, I go to bed with a cough. My cough is almost like it’s own entity, speaking up at the most inappropriate times. No matter where I go throughout the day, I am constantly coughing. Bye, bye Mr. Nasty Cough.
The Tie To the Past. I briefly mentioned this above, but smoking reminds me of a not so very good time in my life: My marriage. I have been doing so much decluttering and energy work that I just don’t want or need to be reminded any more of that time in my life.
So…..I quit. Goodbye, cigarettes.
Will someone bring me some candy? Bwhahahah…..